Unquantifiable Losses

I hate to make a Monday even more of a downer, but this is a sad post, folks.  So if you can’t stomach it, I totally understand.  Here’s your out.

It is with the heaviest of hearts that I must let you know that we’ve suffered two major losses recently.

First, and foremost, is my sweetest yellow dog, Chance.  At the ripe old age of 13, he passed away from cancer.  You would have hardly known he was sick right up until the very, very end.  It has actually been a couple of months now that he’s been gone…I just couldn’t bring myself to talk about it.  This dog…I have no words to express what this dog meant to me; long before the Texan entered our lives, it was just he and I.  He was my constant companion through good times and bad, and I think my heart will never not be broken.

The Best Dog in the World.

Rest in peace, my sweetest boy. I miss you every single day.

More recently, we also lost Millie-bird (a few days ago, in fact).  She succumbed to an ailment that the vet could only describe as ‘reproductive issues’ (incidentally, this was not egg-binding, or any of the usual suspects; it was on-going and had the vet completely perplexed).  I didn’t think I was going to be that person who rushed a sick chicken to the vet…but, as it turns out, I am.  And apparently, I am also that person who cries bawls over the loss of a chicken.  Millie was my favorite: friendly, cuddly, funny, talkative–I could go on and on but I think I have aired out my crazy enough for one day.

Millie.

Goodbye my pretty, clucky girl.

And while I am doing a bit of tearful remembering, I want to give a spot to someone that you all don’t know.  Hogan has been gone for almost three years now…long before I started this blog.  But, he too, is an enormous hole in my heart.  He was a hysterical, bouncy, slobbery ball of boxer-love; completely one of a kind.

Hogan.

I still miss you, Hogie-bear.

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120 thoughts on “Unquantifiable Losses

  1. Kylee from Our Little Acre November 25, 2013 at 3:32 pm Reply

    So sorry… 😦

  2. Tanya November 25, 2013 at 3:34 pm Reply

    Not a downer, but beautiful words sharing how much your sweeties have meant to you. Thank you for sharing your heart, hugs to you friend! xo

  3. bgoffe2013 November 25, 2013 at 3:35 pm Reply

    Sorry…

  4. cindyricksgers November 25, 2013 at 3:37 pm Reply

    It’s so painful to lose a pet…we become so vested in their lives…that I’m beginning to think we should all just opt for tortoises, or those types of exotic birds that commonly outlive their owners. So sorry for your loss!

    • farmhouseK8 November 25, 2013 at 3:59 pm Reply

      Lol,–yes–I’ve had my African Grey parrot for just over 20 years now. Definitely my longest relationship–lol.

  5. Jenn | Near and Far Montana November 25, 2013 at 3:42 pm Reply

    Oh my goodness Kate, I am so sorry for those losses! Chance was always adorable and looked to me like the sweetest dog and Millie too!

    And I agree with Tanya, sad news, but an absolutely beautiful tribute to those animals who mean so much to you. I know I will be completely beside myself when that time comes for my Grover-pup, so all I really know to say is much love and a huge hug!

  6. Kathryn November 25, 2013 at 3:46 pm Reply

    Every animal is their own personality and a wonderful companion in life. No matter how many times I have lost a pet, I know I will go on to give another a home and love them just as dearly. They give so much more than they take, which makes it almost unbearable when we lose them. I am sorry you have lost you wonderful Chance, Millie-bird and Hogan; you were lucky to have had them.

  7. Karen November 25, 2013 at 3:56 pm Reply

    I agree with Tanya, your post wasn’t a downer at all. In fact, it was a beautiful memorial to three loving pets who took a space in your heart and soul, what lucky pets they were to know such love and what a lucky woman to have known and loved them. So many pets will never know such devotion. I have lost three beloved pets and each still holds a place in my heart and memory. I wish I had the eloquent words that you have to memorialize them. Peace and love to you during this tough time.

    Karen in Ohio

    • farmhouseK8 November 25, 2013 at 4:01 pm Reply

      Thank you, Karen. I agree, 110%.

  8. Barbara Long November 25, 2013 at 4:02 pm Reply

    I am holding you very dearly in my heart. So very difficult to lose our companions

  9. Melissa Jones November 25, 2013 at 4:03 pm Reply

    So sorry for your losses! I am just crying right along with you!

    • farmhouseK8 November 25, 2013 at 4:09 pm Reply

      Thanks, Melissa. I know you know.

  10. Melissa November 25, 2013 at 4:08 pm Reply

    Oh Kate, I can completely relate and I know how big your heart is. I am sorry for the losses of your furry and feathered friends. Hugs hugs headed your way. XO~Melissa

  11. honeychile November 25, 2013 at 4:18 pm Reply

    “Dogs have given us their absolute all. We are the center of their universe. We are the focus of their love and faith and trust. They serve us in return for scraps. It is without a doubt the best deal man has ever made.” ― Roger A. Caras

  12. Katie/Maple Grove November 25, 2013 at 4:21 pm Reply

    Thank you for posting and letting us share your grief with you. It is so terribly sad to lose our dear pets. They are irreplaceable. You have my deepest sympathy Kate.

  13. coachmombabe November 25, 2013 at 4:28 pm Reply

    Losing a beloved pet is a lot like losing a dear friend. In April I said goodbye to Gilly, our 17 year old white, long-hair cat. Then in July I lost my 11 year old Golden Retriever, Cozmo. What a gift he was to me! They can leave a hole in your life and heart for sure! I can never replace them. But I decided to take that love that I still had for them and funnel it in a new direction, through adopting. Enter Bette and Emma, Cavalier King Charles Spaniels. They will never be “Mo”, but I can help them live out their days in peace and love.

    Grief seems to be a price we pay for love. Thanks for sharing your heart! ❤

    • farmhouseK8 November 25, 2013 at 4:41 pm Reply

      I am so sorry for your losses, too. Thank you for sharing. And for adopting again. 🙂 I know we will again. Always.

  14. Melissa November 25, 2013 at 4:37 pm Reply

    I am so sorry to hear, it is never easy losing a loved one. Ever. I am with you on the bawling. I lost Charlotte(my favorite feathered friend) in June…and BAWLED. She has been the only girl to have a special grave right in our yard. I understand. Peace and comfort to you as you continue to grieve for them both.

    May you have a thankful week 🙂

    • farmhouseK8 November 25, 2013 at 4:42 pm Reply

      Thank you, Melissa–and I am so sorry for the loss of Charlotte. Thank you for sharing.

  15. Patty Lucas November 25, 2013 at 4:39 pm Reply

    We love our pets and they do become our family. We should mourn them because we mourn our family. The best way to honor our pets is to rescue another one and give that love to another pet. We have two rescued dogs and two rescued cats that we love unconditionally. The old saying is true, it is better to be loved than never to have been loved at all.

    • farmhouseK8 November 25, 2013 at 4:45 pm Reply

      I so agree, Patty. We will definitely adopt again. Most definitely.

  16. Leslie Colin Tribble November 25, 2013 at 4:43 pm Reply

    Oh this is such sad news. Our pets fill our lives in such ways as to be irreplaceable. New ones come in to add their own special magic, but you never forget or truly get over those who are gone. Wishing you blessings of comfort.

  17. Kari November 25, 2013 at 4:44 pm Reply

    So very sorry for your losses. I hope you can find peace in knowing that you documented the joy the brought to your life in this blog and that you can still visit them here. I LOVE the photograph of Millie in the flower garland. I think that should become and art piece in your home! Peace be with you.

  18. cheeseacresfarm November 25, 2013 at 4:59 pm Reply

    I too have cried over the loss of one of my hens so you are not alone. As for the dogs, mine think they are people too and like yours my heart still has a hole from the loss of my precious babies over the years. My most recent hole is caused by the loss of my cat Fluffy. Animals have a way of loving us unconditionally. We all need that. God bless you and hopefully He will heal your heart soon to make way for a new furry love.

  19. Katja @ Shift Ctrl Art November 25, 2013 at 5:09 pm Reply

    So sorry for your losses. You are such a kind animal lover. It really shines through in all your posts 🙂

  20. Meredith/GreenCircleGrove November 25, 2013 at 5:10 pm Reply

    Peace to you and bless you for being able to put it into print. My heart hurts for you.

    • farmhouseK8 November 25, 2013 at 5:20 pm Reply

      Thank you, Meredith. I know you share in my type of grief. Same wishes right back to you.

  21. keepyourmemoriesinyourshoes November 25, 2013 at 5:16 pm Reply

    I’m so very sorry- what sad news. It’s never ever any easier to deal w the loss of a pet. Hugs to you.

  22. Susan November 25, 2013 at 5:19 pm Reply

    My beloved dog died two years ago and I miss him terribly. I just know he and I will meet again in the hereafter. My condolences.

    • farmhouseK8 November 25, 2013 at 5:22 pm Reply

      Thank you, Susan. I am so sorry for your loss, too.

  23. Lucinda Lough November 25, 2013 at 5:56 pm Reply

    We call them our pets, but in reality they are our dear friends. Two years ago we also lost our sweet Golden Retriever named Kissy. She was eight years old and also had cancer. The decision to put her down was made worse with my husband in Afghanistan. That awful decision I had to make alone. Before I took her to the Vet, I brought my laptop over and called my husband on Skype so that he and Kissy could say good bye for the last time. To this day it still makes me cry. I still miss her terribly. Hugs to you Kate….

    • farmhouseK8 November 25, 2013 at 8:27 pm Reply

      Thank you, Lucinda. I am so sorry for your loss, as well. How terrible.

  24. Luisa November 25, 2013 at 6:01 pm Reply

    So very sorry my friend 😦 Hang in there!

  25. Heidi Dennison November 25, 2013 at 6:17 pm Reply

    😦 I can’t even find the words, well there aren’t any really. I know when we lose our beloved pets a little part of our heart goes with them..and you never really fully recover from it. But always know that you definitely carry them within you AND because of the love you gave them and the part of your heart they took with them…they carry you as well.

  26. Regina Boswell-Kosinski November 25, 2013 at 6:36 pm Reply

    So sorry for your loss. I feel the same about my animals too. Doesn’t matter what kind, it still breaks your heart when they pass on.

  27. Susan Pleasant November 25, 2013 at 6:53 pm Reply

    Kate So sorry for your loses. Animals are so Special to us. Remember the times that make you smile!! Lv and hugs. Susan

    Sent from my iPhone

    • farmhouseK8 November 25, 2013 at 7:35 pm Reply

      Thanks, Susan! I do, I promise.

  28. jengrantmorris November 25, 2013 at 6:55 pm Reply

    I am so so sorry for your losses. My heart is breaking for you.

  29. Marcy November 25, 2013 at 7:12 pm Reply

    I too know the pain that comes with the loss of a beloved buddy. Your heart never forgets the love, happiness, joy and laughter they bring into our lives. I am so sorry

  30. Heather November 25, 2013 at 7:13 pm Reply

    Losing a pet is never easy as they become part of your family and are so special. I’m so sorry for your family’s loss 😦

  31. Becca November 25, 2013 at 7:22 pm Reply

    Bless your heart.
    Florida hugs,
    Becca

  32. Janet Sabo November 25, 2013 at 7:25 pm Reply

    I am so sad for you. I did know about sweet Chance because Sue told me, and I knew you would share when you were ready. I think anyone who follows Farmhouse 38 will miss Millie. I know I will.

  33. Shannon November 25, 2013 at 7:57 pm Reply

    Aw, Kate! What a lucky girl to have had so many wonderful little souls to share your days! The missing never stops (my sweet Michelle has been gone for 30 years, and I still miss her), but the wonderful memories soon trump the sadness. No doubt you are a magnet to beautiful souls; I look forward to see who has you in their sights next. My heart goes out to you and the Texan for your loss.

  34. Tammy/Our Neck of the Woods November 25, 2013 at 8:14 pm Reply

    I am really, really sorry for your losses, Kate. As a fellow animal lover, I know how deep the bond between humans and animals can be. It’s torture when they have to leave us. Will be keeping you in my thoughts during this difficult time.

  35. Diane November 25, 2013 at 9:07 pm Reply

    So sorry for your losses. My thoughts are with you as you mourn the loss of your furry and feathered friends.😪

  36. Susan November 25, 2013 at 10:24 pm Reply

    I am so sorry for -all- of these sad losses you’ve been through. We lost our boxer mix in April to cancer and I still feel a hole in my heart that will never be filled. It’s not crazy or weird to cry or miss your animals (though some people will make you feel like it), they’re family. They are sometimes, in most cases, better than people 🙂 I know there is nothing any one can really say to make you feel better, but just know that out here in blogville we’re all thinking of you and sending lots of love your way.

    • farmhouseK8 November 25, 2013 at 11:38 pm Reply

      Thank you, Susan, I really appreciate it. So sorry for your loss, as well. I hate the cancer. 😦

  37. SandyK November 25, 2013 at 10:54 pm Reply

    Please know you are not the only one who cries over a lost chicken or that has taken them to the vet, no matter the cost. I’m dealing with two crop bound girls now. One I think will make it, the other, my little cuddle bug EE, unfortunately will not. I feel so lucky to have had her and that she was one that loved jumping up in my lap to be held and loved on.

    BTW, I too have an African Gray. He is definitely the talker in the family.

    Take care, and hopefully you will find more to fill the empty spaces.

    Sandy

    • farmhouseK8 November 25, 2013 at 11:38 pm Reply

      Thank you, Sandy. So sorry about your little chick…I hope she surprises you. Fingers crossed.

  38. Lois Fletcher November 25, 2013 at 11:04 pm Reply

    Dr. Seuss said “Don’t be sad that it’s over. Be glad that it happened.” I don’t agree with the “sad” part. Feelings of sadness are real and no one can tell you to not feel them. What I wanted to pass on to you is being glad that you were honored with relationships with three important pets with whom you shared a lot of love. Those feelings were real, too. I also have lost very dear pets through the years and I still miss each of them. I am sorry you had so many losses in such a short period of time.

  39. seasonedwithsarcasm November 25, 2013 at 11:30 pm Reply

    I am so sorry for your loss 😦

  40. Patti November 26, 2013 at 12:43 am Reply

    My heart aches for you! We lost our Indie( old english sheep dog) a year ago from cancer, she was 4. It still feels like yesterday and still very hard to get over. May you find comfort in knowing that you gave these wonderful beautiful creatures the best life possible. So many animals are treated so horrible. Your babies were loved to the fullest. My heart felt prayers for you and your family!

    • farmhouseK8 November 26, 2013 at 12:56 am Reply

      Thank you, Patti. And how awful about your Indie–I am so sorry to hear that.

  41. Esther Widgren November 26, 2013 at 1:20 am Reply

    So very sorry for your losses. I think it’s true that the loss of a loved one (whether human or animal) leaves a hole in our hearts that will always be there. But you must also remember that that loved one also caused your heart to swell with love in the first place so that even though the loss feels devastating you are still better off than you were before.

    • farmhouseK8 November 26, 2013 at 2:52 am Reply

      Thank you, Esther. So very true.

  42. Betty Baker November 26, 2013 at 2:44 am Reply

    My heart aches for you.. I can’t imagine losing my best friend – Shiner. He is 7 years old. This Blue Heeler, who aren’t known for being sociable with others is Mr. Welcome to all my customers. I know I have more time with hime, but I already ache thinking about losing him.
    I also bawled over loss my a couple of my girls. We were on vacation, and the raccoons figured out how to get in. They got Gladys one night and came back for Effie the next night. Even my hubby shed some tears over that one.

    • farmhouseK8 November 26, 2013 at 2:53 am Reply

      Oh, I am so sorry for your girls. How terrible. Thank you for sharing…side note…the Texan’s childhood dog was named Shiner! (a cocker spaniel)

  43. Pat November 26, 2013 at 4:14 am Reply

    I am so very sorry for your recent loss of Millie and Chance and your beloved fella Hogan. It is sad to lose our beloved pets…and it does leave a emptiness in our hearts. We just buried our boxer Trouble a week ago and in February we buried Gracie our favorite ever ‘born here’ dog…(she was not Used when we got her) Our pets make such and impression on us and are a big part of the family. Don’t feel bad about bawling over chickens either. I’ve cried about losing chickens too.
    I’m so very sorry.
    Pat

    • farmhouseK8 November 26, 2013 at 2:48 pm Reply

      Thank you, Pat. So sorry for your Trouble, too. So very, very sad.

  44. hopefarms November 26, 2013 at 4:28 am Reply

  45. Cate November 26, 2013 at 4:43 am Reply

    I am sooooo sorry. Before my husband and I met, I had a wonderful miniature shepherd-like dog named Hannah Marie Valentine (okay, I am Southern by birth and everything has to have at least two names – ha!). Anyway, she was with me an additional few years before she had to be put down due to strokes. She was never sick prior to that. She has been gone for about 6 years and I still mourn her. I think the more you love them (and I love them all!) the harder it is to let them go but… you never lose them in your heart (which is a good thing). I will pray for your heart to not ache so much. Dogs and chickens…easy to mourn, hard to forget.

    Cate <

    • farmhouseK8 November 26, 2013 at 2:49 pm Reply

      Thanks, Cate. Very true. Sorry about your sweet little Hannah.

  46. Dianne November 26, 2013 at 4:47 am Reply

    Kate, I am so sorry for your loss. I bet this blog was a hard one to put into words. We just love our animals so much. Darn it how they make a mark on our hearts!

  47. Kelly M November 26, 2013 at 6:49 am Reply

    I’m so sorry for your losses.

  48. Fresh Eggs Daily November 26, 2013 at 11:34 am Reply

    Kate, I am so sorry. I’m sure this was hard to write but I hope sharing with us all reinforces to you that mourning over a pet – whether it be a dog or a chicken – is never wrong and never something to be embarrassed by or ashamed of. We all feel your pain and share your loss. Lisa

  49. home, garden, life November 26, 2013 at 12:36 pm Reply

    Kate, I know/feel your pain. Ragtime Rags, numerous kitties over the years, and the last angel, Miss Kitty now resides with Chance, Millie, and Hogan. I am convinced they will all be waiting to greet us when our time comes. If you would find comfort in my posts regarding loss, please visit http://dianelasauce.wordpress.com/2011/09/08/the-thing-about-profound-loss/

    Find comfort in knowing that your critters loved you unconditionally and love you still. They were also blessed to be in your company, and look over you now. We accept the pain of loss to know the pain of love.

    Hugs and sincere condolences. Blubbering, Diane

  50. Natalie, the Chickenblogger November 26, 2013 at 3:58 pm Reply

    I am sorry. And deeply sympathetic.

  51. Debby November 26, 2013 at 4:33 pm Reply

    We lost our kitty of 12 years last week. She was so sick. We miss her a lot. I can certainly understand about your doggie. We also lost a favorite doggie. We mourned her for 3 months and then found the sweetest dog in the world at the pound. It’s a long sweet story . They both were Springer Spaniels and both came from the pound. So sorry for your loss. God Bless you for your love of your chicken as well. (((((HUGS))))

    • farmhouseK8 November 26, 2013 at 5:03 pm Reply

      Thank you, Debby. So so sorry about your kitty and your springer. Thank you for sharing.

  52. Christy November 26, 2013 at 9:27 pm Reply

    So sorry for your losses

  53. Roberta November 26, 2013 at 9:58 pm Reply

    So sorry to hear that you have lost 2 so close together, it is so difficult. Your post reminds me that it is coming up on the anniversary of my boy Toto, I had to put to sleep at 17- 6 years ago, his brother KC my first to have to put to sleep at 15, one of the truly worst days of my life, a few years before, and my boy Pino, who again, just shy of 17, 2 years ago next March, I had to hold him in my arms while he died so that he wouldn’t seize himself to death at 1 am at the emergency Vet’s. then a cold windy night driving home alone, knowing
    that all my boys were gone and my heart was broken again, each time worse than the last.
    I decided to get chickens later that spring hoping that a different kind of animal would not be quite the same. After losing my favorite hen, Hettie, a Speckled Sussex to an incompetent caregiver, I realize all pets are the same, you care for them, earn their trust love and respect, and you feel you’ve let them down by not protecting them, they don’t know that the world isn’t fair. You just have to celebrate their lives, show your love and offer them the best life you can provide while you have the honor to call them your family.

    • farmhouseK8 November 26, 2013 at 10:44 pm Reply

      So very true, Roberta. Thank you for sharing.

  54. Teresa / TheGardenDiary.com November 27, 2013 at 5:03 am Reply

    So very sorry for your loss. The animals in our lives give us so much. We were owned by a fluffy little Bichon Frise for 17 years. He has been gone for 3 years and we miss him still and are so thankful for having him in our life for so long. Hugs to you.

    • farmhouseK8 November 27, 2013 at 2:41 pm Reply

      Thank you, Teresa. I am so sorry for the loss of your dog, as well. Wow, 17 is a nice long life. Amazing.

  55. Maureen November 27, 2013 at 5:30 pm Reply

    It’s so hard to lose those special companions. How lucky they were to have someone who loved them so much to care that way for them!

  56. Francie November 28, 2013 at 5:13 pm Reply

    Thank you so much for sharing. Hugs.

  57. Gail Saito November 29, 2013 at 2:03 am Reply

    Animals are like our children…so sad, so sorry

  58. lyn moon December 1, 2013 at 2:05 pm Reply

    So sorry to hear about your dog. I can really relate. I lost my adorable Tilly a few months back. She was like a child to me. I was so glad I was with her in the end. I miss her so much. I still tear up thinking of her. She was also 13. It’s our first holiday without her and she will be terribly missed. You can never replace that love you just gone on. Her sister has had a hard time as well. Speaking of losing chickens, I too lost 5 this summer. I cried and cried because I had hatched these myself. My husband thought a person had died the way I was crying. As one pet lover to another, I know just how you feel. Please check out my blog to see my tribute to my beloved Tilly Rose. There is also a post about my chicken lose. I wish you healing on your loses. Peace be with you.

    • farmhouseK8 December 1, 2013 at 5:39 pm Reply

      Thank you for sharing. So sorry for your losses, too.

  59. Charlotte Zweigoron December 1, 2013 at 3:25 pm Reply

    So very sorry for your loss. If I had a favorite, it was Millie… in the beginning because I have always loved those black dotted sweeties… then later because you made all your pets so personable in your writing about them. I will never forget your photo of Chance sitting calmly on the couch while an unapologetic Mille strutted past him through the forbidden territory of the house… I’m sure many of us felt like they were our friends, as well, and will miss them right along with you and the Texan. We are nursing along a dear little rascal of a Love Bird who appears to have had a couple of mild strokes after 17 years!! We raised him from a barely feathered little nub that had to be hand-fed every 2 hours. He can’t fly anymore and has to cock his head to one side to see but he will raise unholy heck if my DH doesn’t put a flour-sack towel around his shoulders and let him snuggle there as soon as the little guy hears him come home. To us, it has always seemed like a privilege to have critters in our life… dogs, cats, birds, a sugar glider. And a privilege to care for them as they age or become ill after giving so much, so freely to us. Thank you for sharing your friends with us.

    • farmhouseK8 December 1, 2013 at 5:40 pm Reply

      Thank you, Charlotte. And thanks for sharing. Much love to your little, amazing birdie.

  60. goingroundandround December 7, 2013 at 8:52 pm Reply

    I’m so sorry. Your Chance looks so much like our Dillon, who we lost a year and a half ago, at 15 (or so). Such a smoochable face. 🙂

    I’m sorry for the loss of your other loved ones too. It’s so difficult when they go. I’m praying for comfort for your hearts.

    • farmhouseK8 December 7, 2013 at 10:19 pm Reply

      Thank you. So very sorry for your loss, too.

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